It’s Over! (Part One of) Tax Season is Over! We Made It!
And now for a desperately-needed laugh, courtesy of Black Tulip
Can you believe that (part one of) the 2018 tax season is over? It seemed to go on forever. Sometimes we didn’t think we were going to make it. But we did and now it’s time to kick back and relax for a day or two.
To celebrate, we have a joke for you. Actually, we have a LOT of jokes for you. Funnies, gags, japes, puns and wisecracks – all about our favorite peeps: accountants.
Now, a lot of jokes you hear about accountants seem to be about how boring and uninteresting they are. You will not find THOSE kinds of jokes in our article. We love accountants. We work with them all the time and we find them utterly fascinating and amazing! (Seriously, call us! 😉)
Accountant jokes are the best way to celebrate the end of the April 30th deadline. Here are the best of the best borrowed jokes, sourced from everywhere, courtesy of the Black Tulip Jokers.
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
How do you know you have a great accountant? He has a tax loophole named after him.
What is the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you don’t understand.
Why did the accountant cross the road? So he could claim it as a travel expense.
An CRA agent is walking through the park when a mugger jumps out and yells “Give me all your money!”. The CRA agent says, “You can’t do this after all I work for the CRA.” At which point, the mugger yells: “OK, give me all MY money!”
How do you know your daughter is going to be an accountant? When you read her the story of Cinderella and you get to the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden carriage, she asks you “Daddy, is that ordinary income or a capital gain?”
You might be an accountant if…
- You deduct Ex-lax as “moving expenses”
- You have no idea that GAP is also a clothing store
- Your idea of trashing your hotel room is refusing to fill out the guest comment card
What is the definition of an economist? Someone who didn’t have enough personality to become an accountant.
What is an auditor? Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets the wounded.
Why did God create economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
Why do accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.
It’s so true…
Accountants Best Defense: We’re not boring people. We just get excited over boring things.
Why do accountants look forward to the weekends? Because they can wear casual clothes to work.
What do you call an accountant who speaks to one person a day? Popular.
How do you know when an accountant is on holiday? He doesn’t wear a tie and comes in after 8am
How do you drive an accountant insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
How does an accountant stay out of debt? He learns to act his wage.
Why do accountants make great lovers? They’re great with figures.
What’s an accountant’s favorite book? 50 Shades of Grey.
How does Santa’s accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
Why are accounting departments so welcoming? Because everyone counts.
Why was the accountant excited when he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 59 weeks? Because on the box it said 8-12 Years.
A final funny
A businessman was interviewing job applications for the position of manager of a large division. He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, “What is two plus two?”
The first was a social worker. She said, “I don’t know the answer but I’m very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it.”
Next came an attorney. He stated that “in the case of Jenkins vs. the Department of the Treasury, two plus two was proven to be four.”
Finally, the businessman interviewed an accountant. When he asked him what two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it, came back and sat down. Leaning across the desk, he said in a low voice, “How much do you want it to be?” He got the job.